My Goal for 2011

It seems for the past couple of years I have been sort of taking on a self help project for every single year. I like to think the past couple of years I’ve really come along as a person, and I’ve had pretty good success with my yearly projects though I totally didn’t think of them as that when I started. So far they seem to have been:

- 2008 – Get my head screwed back on straight and deal with personal issues.

- 2009 – Go back to school and be successful (considering my graduating this spring with an A average, I would rule this one successful)

- 2010 – Once a day photography blog where I took a picture each and every single day for an entire year.

Now however… what am I going to do? I am going to turn to the oldest of New Year traditions, the most claimed in terms of resolutions, something I have already failed in once: losing weight.

Yup. The biggest of all New Year Resolutions… get in shape. Well, I’m not aiming that that high. While there will be very little getting into shape, I would just like to be a shape that is a little less round. Maybe like an oval or something.

What I would really like is to feel less awkward with my body. What I would like is to feel like self conscious about myself. What I would like is to keep up with the children I work with and play with them as they want to be played with. I want to be comfortable and happy with who I am in mind, body and soul.

I attempted this a few years ago, and I was partially successful. With some diet and some exercise I was able to shed about 25 pounds. It felt good, people said I looked better (though I never noticed any sort of change), and suddenly clothes which used to fit didn’t fit so well any more. Incidentally this is also the time when I started really wearing a belt.

What went wrong? I don’t know. Like the vast majority of people who lose weight I just gained most of it back (not all of it, proud to say. I lost 25 and gained back 15 so technically I still am in the “having lost weight” category). I stopped being as vigilant, suddenly my activities seemed boring, going to a gym was a failure (due to laziness, busy-ness, and that I really would have liked some sort of work out buddy to keep my ass in line), the changes I made in my diet changed back… all the same excuses. What it really comes down to is I had drive, I lost it, I fell back into old patterns.

This year I aim to change it. My goal is to take the weight off and keep it off. This is going to mean a few things in my mind:

1) Change in life style. I’m going to have to get more active. Doesn’t matter what it is, I am going to have to. I need to be more active and I challenge my friends to join me… because I’m going to need help kicking my own ass. I want people to do stuff with me, to help me drag myself out. Whether that means going out for walks, snow shoeing, playing some sort of outdoor activity… whatever. Besides, you look like you could use the exercise too.

2) Change in diet. I’m going to have to over all eat less, and I’m going to have to change what I eat. Luckily at home we tend to cook fairly health. It also helps that I have such a twitchy stomach because there are certain things (such as overly greasy foods) that I just can’t eat. Two points in my favour. Sadly my social group eats out more than it should. I am going to have to be more vigilant with what I order, and how often I join in ordering out. Something unhealthy now and then isn’t bad… I am not planning to ban a bunch of foods. News flash, it doesn’t work. I just need to be a little better about what I eat and when. Moderation and all that. Don’t expect to see Big Feet and liquorice leave this house entirely for the next year.

3) I have to really want to change. I have to examine just why I am doing this. I have to have a reason to want to lose the weight and a strong enough reason to work to keep it off.

And lastly, something I didn’t really do last time…

4) Support. I am going to try this with support. Most of my exercise last time was myself on my own, or myself on my own at the gym. While that isn’t terribly likely to change this time either, I still want to incorporate support of some kind. So, this is what I came up with. This is going to be me asking for help here from people. I am going to attempt to continue the weight loss through fabulous prizes!

Now, I am not talking about new refrigerators, sports cars and microwave ovens. I’m talking about the Advent calendar of losing weight. Sort of the Kinder Surprise approach, minus the chocolate. It is going to involve some audience participation.

What I am going to ask from those who are willing to do this for me (not going to force anyone, though I reserve the right to go on and on about it endlessly in a whining tone until you buckle to pressure) is to write a note in a piece of paper and fold it up. Looking for two things on these notes:

First thing is just words of encouragement. Way to go, you can do it, Dan you’re less fat, stuff like that.

Second thing is going to be the prize, the carrot, the goal waiting at the end. Write down something to act as a prize. Maybe it will literally be a physical prize (nothing expensive obviously, certainly not anything over like a 10 dollar range… I’m not looking to cash in here) like a book or a game or a card for you L5R nerds. It could also be something we could go do, like going to a movie or going out somewhere or doing something we don’t normally do (like bowling or laser tag. Eating a 10 pound bad of candy is right out). Could be something you’ll let me do, like borrow something I’d obviously like to borrow or submit yourself to letting me take pictures of you in funny hats. Heck, would be nice to have someone follow along while I go out picturing, that would be a good one. The idea is that it’s something small to medium in nature that acts as a hook. Sort of the lottery ticket effect.

I plan to collect all these notes from anyone willing to provide them without reading any of them. I don’t want to know what they say. Folded up, they will sit and wait inside a box until such a time as they are needed. When I successfully lose somewhere between 5 and 10 pounds (depending on how many I get… If only 3 people give me notes I will be terribly sad and at 5 pounds a note that won’t go all too far) I get to open one at random and read it. That’s the goal right there. Aim for small little stepping stones which come with a reward and then aim for the next one. Work hard, drop the pounds, get a small little reward in reading someone cheer me on and offer me support (and a prize!). If I fail in my mission, and by fail I mean give up or gain everything back then I don’t get to read any unopened notes… they get tossed out.

The main idea is these are small little prizes to aim for. Little surprises to help keep me motivated both in words and in gift. The real prize here isn’t whatever I’m being given but rather the fact that a friend took the time to think and write something down to encourage me along the way. In the end that’s what I’m going to take away from these, and I’m hoping that’s what will keep me motivated to go even I’m obviously going to run into that huge brick wall.

Any that I lose… well, I lose them. I don’t get to read them, I don’t get to see the words of encouragement, I don’t get the wondrous prizes. They’re just done.

So now I am going to start hitting up people for notes. Obviously if you’re reading this, consider yourself hit up. If I know you and you’re local you can just pass it to me. If you’re not local and you know one of my friends who is, just get them to write it out for you if you’d like to support me.

So that’s my plan. We’ll see how this goes. But if I can take a year to turn around my life and get my head screwed on tight, if I can go back to school and leave with all As, if I can take a freaking picture every freaking day for a year, then surely to God I should be able to become an oval?

The light at the end of the tunnel

In a couple of months something is going to happen which most people probably never figured would happen with me: I am going to graduate.

A bit of a shock, isn’t it? Daniel, who seems forever in the process of schooling is actually going to accomplish something and actually graduate from something!

It’s been a long time coming, and it’s been rocky on the way here, but it’s finally actually going to happen. I can barely contain my excitement!

So in the spring I will be graduating from the Early Childhood Education program from Algonquin College. I will be Daniel Gosson, ECE!

Sure, it’s not a double major in Biology and 17^th century French Romantic Poets. It’s not a PhD in some field sure to make me a dump truck full of money. Heck, to most people who know nothing about the program they just assume it’s a diploma in babysitting. Truth be told I was one of those people who wasn’t all too convinced either when I started taking courses.

You know what this program is about? It’s a big secret I’ll let you in on. Ultimately this program is one that teaches you about child development. It focuses on how children naturally develop physically, cognitively and emotionally from conception all the way to age 12. It focuses on the theories of development and learning, how to support children to achieve and grow to the next level, and how to focus on the specific needs of one individual child while working within a group of children. It covers all the big name theorists (as well as a few I’d never heard of) so you have a good understanding of different points of view from a theoretical perspective on development as well as practical application of these theories and other tools you are given.

You don’t get much more applicable than the three practical placements I did this year and last. All three of them were fantastic and I loved them for entirely different reasons.

At Brother Andre I was thrown right into the fire. I was given a boy who the school highly suspected was autistic and I was given the task of working with him, documenting his behaviour and just generally making it easier for the teacher to handle the rest of the class while I personally managed this little guy. I worked hand in hand with the school and when I was done they took every piece of data and information I’d collected on this boy and sent it off to the school board for diagnostic purposes. I got good use out of my observational skills.

At Good Shepherd I was given unbelievable leeway. Turns out that the kindergarten classroom teacher I was placed with got her ECE back when Algonquin offered the program in French. Because of this (and because she’d never had an ECE student working with her in the classroom, just teacher’s college students) she didn’t pull any punches with me and expected me to step up to the plate. I certainly feel I did. She gave me a rough outline of what she’d like to see me do, and off I went. I planned and implemented my own lesson plans; I worked one on one with specific students which -I- had identified as needing support. I managed to change someone’s opinion of what it will be like to have an ECE in the classroom when that school goes into all day Kindergarten. She held high standards for my work, and I made sure I did the best I could given this awesome opportunity.

At Forest Valley I was taken out of my comfort zone. Gone was the familiar structure of the school system and I was tossed head first into a play based mostly unstructured childcare setting. I know for the first little while I had the deer in the headlights look going on. My supervisor Joey expected me to take over the teacher’s role. It was strange and not at all what I was used too, but I did. I worked with the kids and staff there (first time I was really treated like something close to an equal by the staff who were not my immediate supervisor) and had a blast.

Once I got into the rhythm of things I found I really enjoyed it.

I remember Joey telling me after I was done my placement that he thought we were going to hate each other and butt heads from day one. Joe is not a fan of the school system where I am a fan of the structure and routine. He expected me to be rigid and inflexible, where I proved myself to be anything but. He actually gave me the biggest compliment that I could imagine getting at a placement. He said while it was clear that I had learned a lot from him, he’d also learned a lot from me.

Of course the final comments also included that I would need to work harder on physical activities for school aged children, but that really shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me :P

I did so well at that placement that they put me on their supply list. I work there pretty frequently which is something that makes my bank account happy. I’ve also learned that it’s generally held that only two regular people on the supply list can work with the children on their own and do not need to have permanent staff supervise them: the actual accredited school board teacher who supplies sometimes and myself. Certainly a boost in confidence right there.

Now I’m actually supplying at a second centre called Elizabeth Park. I did a good enough job on my first day there that they’ve already signed me up for a few more shifts and want me back as often as I’m willing to go (which with my current class schedule is much less than I would like).

Over all, I’m pretty proud of the work and progress I made while at Algonquin. I feel I have a better work ethic, I think I’ve matured a great deal, and most importantly I know what I like now. I have enjoyed the hell out of this program and if I could stay in it longer I would.

Just kidding, totally wouldn’t. I’m taking the diploma and running, but you get the general idea.

I want to thank those who have supported me while doing this. I didn’t exactly go into this program with the greatest of heads on my shoulders. To say the least, it was hard considering the history to this story. To the people who supported me, helped me along, were understanding when I was drowning under a tide of work and respected my decision with this program I want to say thank you. It’s always so much easier to do something when you have some friends in your corner with you. Even just a little understanding that placements are a ton of work or that my schedule of day classes AND night classes AND working can be a little overwhelming at time does wonders. To all those people, thank you for making this just a little big easier. I cannot express just how grateful I am to all of those who helped me through this.

To those that gave me a hard time, to those who look down on the diploma I’m going to get and to those who look down on the work I’ve accomplished these past 2 and a half years, I’m flipping you the giant bird (and yes, I know there are some who do, and yes I know who they are). While the work in this program was not especially hard at times, there was a lot of it and it required that I do work almost every single day. To those that couldn’t understand this and to those who gave me a hard time about not being able to do thing or attend things because of it, a giant screw you. To those who have held little respect for me and the work I do, who look down on the quality and integrity of how I held myself during my placements or just in my projects and assignments… once again screw you. I have had several good friendships damaged due to this sort of nonsense over the past two and a half years (even if those involved do not know that from my point of view, yes our friendship has been tarnished).

Luckily though, those who understood vastly outweigh those who did not.

Now it’s time to look toward the future though. Just what am I going to do when I graduate in the spring?

I could always just jump head first into work. I’m a guy who wants to work with children, it shouldn’t be that hard to find something somewhere (Fun fact! Only 1% of all of those registered with the College of Early Childhood Educators are male!). With the experience I have, the references I have and my ECE behind me I am rather hireable.

There’s always the education route too. While my ECE will open many doors for me, an undergrad will always open more. The program that exists at Ottawa U that I thought originally I could apply for is not accessible to me, which makes me sad. Carleton University has a 3 year Child Studies program, and having my ECE will put me into 2^nd year. Also, there is a 4 year program at Ryerson called… Early Childhood Education (the only of its type in Ontario) , and having my ECE puts me right into 3^rd year there. Considering both of those programs would take 2 years to complete, and finishing my original degree I was working on would take 2 years to complete anyways it’s not too hard to see I have a fair amount of choices ahead of me.

Then there’s always the college. There are so many add-ons I could put onto my ECE to let me work with autistic children, children with exceptionalities (though I still dislike this term), focus on early literacy, etc.

It’s been an awesome ride these past two and a half years, but it’s not over yet. I still have to survive all the way until April with the courses I am currently taking. Just a few short months before everything changes.

I’m looking forward to what comes next, whatever it might be.

Thoughts on Portraits

I keep thinking back to the pictures I took on New Year's eve.

It's not that I think they're all especially wonderful or anything, but they keep stuck in my mind. I can't shake them. I realize looking back on it that I really enjoyed it, and that's why they're stuck. I liked setting up the camera, I liked getting the backgrounds ready and switching them around. It was just... fun!

I will tell you I'm rather surprised some of the people there let me do it. Aside from maybe one or two friends who seem to enjoy me taking their pictures, most seem... uninterested at the best and somewhat annoyed at the worst.

Here I had a group of friends and a group of complete strangers and a group of mostly strangers. Aside from Phil (who I ended up getting through trickery) everyone agreed to have their picture taken. Some like Chad didn't look terribly impressed, but everyone else seemed to honestly enjoy it!

I think it's true what they say, that deep down everyone likes having their picture taken.

So with my having enjoyed it so much (and the people who I took the pictures of, they enjoyed it too. About half of them now use the portraits I took as their facebook profile pictures) I wonder what I will do next.

If I am going to take pictures of people in some sort of organized setting, what could I do? Not the colour background again since that has already been done (though I really really enjoyed it despite the final product looking something like glee), and I don't feel comfortable yet dealing with people who I don't know at all at all (friends of friends is fine.)

So what do I do?

It's snowing outside

It's snowing outside, and I really really wish it would stop.

I understand the kids like it. I understand that they love to go sledding, that they like to make forts and snowmen and snow balls. They like to throw themselves in it and roll around. Heck, more than a few of them even put it in their mouths (despite desperate pleas not too).

I am decidely in the anti-snow bloc. My biggest problem is I hate driving in it. I hate needing to wear a coat in the car, I hate the way it sticks to my shoes when I get into the car, I hate the way everyone drives like a moron when there is a little bit of snow on the ground, and I hate the way I have to account for snow when I'm driving anywhere. Normally a 10 minute drive, eh? Better leave 15 to 20 minutes ahead of time then.

It looks nice for 1-2 nights a year, and then I'm done. Finished. Happy to see it go. Thankfully this year is supposed to have little snow (though that will cause some problems in the spring).

Stupid friggin snow, I hate you so much. I look forward to the day when the government gives every single Canadian citizen a blowtorch just to deal with you.

No more Christmas Tree

Today we took down the Christmas Tree from the living room. It's a little more work than it looks like, Christmassing and un-Christmassing a house. Sort of a lot of build up to one day which seems to flitter by pretty quickly. Probably why I like after Christmas so much more than Christmas. That little gap between Christmas and New Years is probably the best part of the whole Holiday season.

That said, I've always been a big fan of January. I don't really know why. I find find myself happy at this time of year. Probably because of the whole year of possibility that there is. January I ride on a high of good feelings and good moods, until Febrary comes and ruins everything! Seriously, we had to make a fake holiday just to make that month tolerable.

But still, it's hard. And people get tired while doing it. Which is why I'm glad it's done now. Even though there's a gaping hole like a pulled tooth in the front of the house. Takes a while to get used to not having it there once it's gone.

But now that it's gone, how am I going to get my easy to make bokeh pictures? How am I going to easily get those awesome little colourful balls of light from the safety of inside the house?

Pictures not used

One of the things that happens when you post only one picture a day is that you take come pictures that don't get used. So, since my internet is totally ass right now, I am not going to do a big post but rather put up some of the pictures that I took this past year but didn't make it to the blog! So here they are. Had I a decent working connection I would put why I liked each one. I might edit this post in the future and do that.

Picture 365

My 365 blog is at a close. I will probably turn this blog into a regular old blog, with some words, rants, updates and photographs. But a full year done... wow. I wasn't too sure I was going to make it. Some people were not too sure I would make it through the first month! So now we're all done.. thank you for reading and following. Hopefully have a happy new year!

Picture 364

Tomorrow is the big day! Last day for the blog. I already have planned out what I am going to do for the last picture, but it's just a matter of seeing how well it's going to work out. Also, this post totally would have been posted last night had my internet not slowed down to a crawl. Something has been wacky with it, and it wouldn't load anything anything.

Picture 363

Yup, still loving bokeh. And around this time of year, due to all the pretty lights, it's so easy to make and get. What I read about my 50mm lens before I purchased it was right... this thing is a bokeh machine.

Also, today I planned out what I am going to do for my last picture(s) on New Years Eve. Let's hope it works out as nicely in reality as it does in my head.

Picture 362

The past couple of weeks have been beyond hectic. Working hard on finishing my last night courses (I'm expecting an A+ in both of them to go with the A and A+ from my day courses), working practically full time and getting sick. Like really sick. It all came to a head at Christmas when I actually lost my voice. Not terribly pleasant. But now everything is updated and I'm looking forward to the end of this year. So much to look forward to in the New Year! Not to mention the New Year's Eve Party! Should be an excellent time for all of those who show up. For now though, I'm happy just to have this thing fully updated again.